Having completed the first five pieces in my EMDR series, I wanted to take a little time to display order, titles, and a quick explanation on each.
#1 Handling Loneliness
This piece was actually created before I knew I was embarking on the journey of EMDR and the paintings that would accompany my process and progress towards healing.
I painted this in the beginning of 2021, when we were all still smack dab in the middle of COVID.
I was so lonely, recently divorced, and clearly very sad. Despite being painted in 2021, I really felt that this was my starting piece.
"Boxed" appeared my very first week of EMDR, which took place mid-November of 2023. I felt helpless and stuck, floating in a lifeless cage, but also one of surrender, as I had decided to commit to an effort to find healing and attend therapy regularly again. (Though this is my first time experiencing EMDR therapy, I have attended talk therapy and sand therapy, both which I invoked in the past in an effort to find reprieve and to rediscover confidence, healing, and peace).
#3 Like Glass
Delving into EMDR has felt very foreign. Despite having one foot in the past and the other safely in the present, it's odd to work through memories from which I've tried for years to permanently deny access. I have triggers that have essentially been rebirthed, and opening these boxes and safes that I've locked, welded, and wrapped chains around within my brain (that store these nasty snippets from before) has left me feeling really breakable in a multitude of ways. Just like glass.
#4 A Shadow's Stench
As I am intentional about pursuing freedom and healing from memories and traumas that haunt me, I've had to work through how negative past experiences can act as a puppeteer, effecting the decisions I make today. Speaking love, kindness, and God's promises into these black holes of doubt, hurt, fear, and pain has been a first step to untangling myself from the shadow of what once was, that sometimes still stinks up my life today. My goal is to outstep the shadow.
#5 Belief is Blind
Unexpectedly, a happy painting finally emerged. The holidays of 2023 for me were filled with many smiles, surrounded by everyone I love. For the first time in over half a decade, I had hope for the new year, believing that 2024 was going to be the year that would finally bring better. With a glimpse of hope, I painted this angel holding a duckling. (Ducks within Christianity generally represent provision and purity). Faith and believing are not met with sight though. Rather, we choose to deny what we see or don't see, and to know that something better is on the way, trusting in God's promises and plans.
Now that we're past the holidays I'm once again attending EMDR weekly, along for the ride as my subconscious works through all these feelings of hope and pain. I'm on a journey to find healing, but I'm also hoping to share with others how creativity is affected while on an intentional remedial crusade to better.
If you're interested in supporting this series financially, which allows me to spend more time painting and assists with the price of canvas printing as well, please check out this page.
Until next time!